This isn’t my first blog, but it is the first blog that will get pretty messy for what I’m used to. It will be a growing, evolving project. I feel like I was given a rare bulb to plant, with no idea what I’ve planted in the garden.

Years have gone by, and it became a joke I had (mostly with myself) that I would write about not being able to write, so there was no way I could get around not writing. It was a trap I set for myself. Until just recently, I wasn’t managing to write with any purpose or momentum– I was locked up somehow. It took some time, but here I am, writing this.

PROBLEM: Long-term Writer’s Block.

SOLUTION: Writing this blog and flying by the seat of my pants.

All I know is that I am writing, researching, thinking, making new connections.

And this is exactly what I am after.

Probably best to start with the who, what, where, and why?

— I’ll get back to that shortly. For now, here’s a little about my background and circumstances.

After college, I had become used to long-form, research-intensive writing. Psychology and historical essays with references in APA or Chicago style format aren’t exactly the way people actually enjoy and retain what they are reading. Especially online. Plus, the scientific method is drilled into our brains, might as well start there.

Years of academia trained me to read and write a certain way, and I was good at it. In a culture that generally views writing as a “hobby,” I didn’t focus on finding a voice or pushing the boundaries when it came to style. Usually, the goal was to make an argument for a particular view, analyze and present information, or to summarize what the lesson prescribed.

That was then, this is now.

So far, as I’ve come upon new realizations, I try to bring them back here and fit them into the right place. There will be editing and changes made as I learn. This project ought to reflect the process itself of emerging from a dead-stop to a moving, functioning piece of work. As far as the end result, I have succeeded already by getting myself writing. Seeing it as a giant piece of marble that I must chip away at, something that will look much different in the future than it does now.

There are many demons I must face to overcome what keeps me from writing, and I see that I will untangle some of that through the writing of this blog. At this stage, I have won at least a few battles by simply clicking “PUBLISH,” instead of waiting until it’s exact and perfect. One thing I try to keep in mind is that this is a living, breathing project, and the flaws will expose and force me to work those weaker muscles.

One important theme keeps cropping up, but I haven’t put my finger on it just yet. It points me in the direction of exploring the roots of fear… which directs me back to a book I read last year by Napoleon Hill (1938).

There is this balance, where my mind runs free and the words come easily. Like looking up and recognizing the constellations, you see something that not many see when they stare up at the night sky.